Two Shandies and the second date dilemma

What do you do when a fella you meet on internet dating invites you to his home for dinner on your second date? Does it send out the wrong message if you go? Do you risk getting chopped up into little pieces and put in the wheelie bin? That’s the dilemma Two Shandies was facing.

She’d been asked by her latest candidate in the search for her media naranja (half orange, or soul mate as we would say in English. Don’t ask me why they use that image here in Spain)

It was a case of so far so good. He’d sent his picture and she’d thought he was OK, but not drop dead gorgeous. But on the advice of Sa’s brother – “if you don’t find them repulsive then go on a date” – she’d agreed to meet up.

Unfortunately she got ill on the day they were supposed to see each other. He wasn’t put out though. And while she was shivering on the sofa off work, she got two emails from him containing power point presentations on a) Huelga - the city where he was born, and b) Salamanca – The city where he grew up. Why? To “keep her entertained while she was off sick”

Well she certainly got a laugh out of that, as did we when she told us.

So, slightly bemused but touched by the gesture all the same, she went out for a drink when she was all better. This was the verdict:


1) Was wearing a stripey top
2) Not bad looking (better than photo)
3) 6ft
4) Fit body
5) Totally loves the UK (ex girlfriend was Irish)
6) Really nice to chat to (maybe I should have put that first!)
7) Didn't grill me about the power points


1) Messy hair
2) Not much of an upper lip (PB will sympathize)

Well that’s not too bad, I thought. Only two bad points. Kind of weird the number one good point was the stripey top though… Still, messy hair can be tamed with a trip to the peluqueria, and upper lips (or lack of them) can be disguised with a nice moustache. Shandies wasn’t too enthusiastic about the idea of some face furniture but I like it – both the bloke and my dad have them so I’m used to them by now.

PB was really upset about the absence of lippage though. According to her all people with no top lips are inherently evil and cruel. We asked for examples to back up this body part specific racism, but the only one she could give was John Major.

Then came the bombshell. “He’s invited me to his house for dinner, should I go?” This was put to me and PB at Tuesday club.

The immediate reply, from PB was no. “It’s your second date, he should be taking you out, courting you,” she said. “Staying in for dinner’s what you should be doing a few months in.”

I agreed. “Isn’t it a bit early for all that? Going to someone’s house is a bit personal isn’t it? Won’t he think you’re a bit easy?”

She replied: “Just ‘cos I’m going to his house doesn’t mean I have to shag him!”

Oops, good point. Turns out she’s been mainly asking on the safety aspect (ie, will I get murdered?) rather than the moral aspect (will he think I’m a slattern?)

On the first point, we came to the conclusion that he probably wasn’t a rapist or killer, but it she should give us all his details before she went and text us when she left.

But we’d unleashed all these doubts and questions in her head. All thee more so since she’d actually already agreed to go, and was just asking us as an afterthought.

After much too-ing and fro-ing she agreed to leave it as it was. The important thing was that she felt comfortable about the whole thing. Who cares what we thought anyway? God knows how my relationship got off the ground, the tit I made of myself on my very first date with the bloke. After 10 sambucas it’s kind of hard to be cool – especially if you forget your address. In my defence I had just moved house though.

Plus, you can learn a lot about someone from their house. Would she go into his bathroom and find hairs in the sink and be put off for life? Would he have pictures of dogs playing snooker or statues of the virgin mary everywhere? That would surely help her make up her mind.

So the big night arrived and we waited fgor the verdict. Which was:

“Lack of spark I’m afraid. Really nice guy, cooked lovely meal of seabass in a salt crust (which was random as I cooked that for my family at xmas) lovely chat , really easy to talk to but just dont fancy him.”


Always the bloomin way, the ones I fancy are either not interested or don’t have time for me and the ones I don't like seem to like me.

I think that is called sod's law. Hohum

So the search for Shandies’ half orange continues...”

Good luck Shandies. He’s out there somewhere, I know it.


  1. Oh, that ever-elusive citrus half.

  2. Ellie - it's a tricky fruit to find!